


But Maybe Thats Enough for Now

by nirroca



Series: Lavender [6]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F, Inquisitor & Dorian Pavus Friendship, Pre-Relationship, two best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 09:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15336636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirroca/pseuds/nirroca
Summary: Dorian and Ellana discuss the emotional aftermath of what they saw in the future at Redcliffe and Ellana realises why she feels the way she feels.Ties into something briefly mentioned in The Romancing of Cassandra Pentaghast but prior reading isn't needed.





	But Maybe Thats Enough for Now

“Do you want to talk about it?” Dorian asks one afternoon, a few days after the events of Redcliffe Castle and their brief trip to the future that showed Ellana what was at stake if the Inquisition failed.

She knows that what they both experienced wasn’t real, but it does little to help put her mind at ease, or erase the carnage she saw with her own two eyes, or fill her heart with any less dread when she closes her eyes and remembers the state that her companions were in because of her absence.

Ellana steers her horse closer to Dorian so that their legs are touching, and it's easier for them to speak without being overheard, not that it really mattered knowing how engaged Bull and Cassandra currently were in a conversation about the merits of dual-handed and dual-wielded weapons.

“Not really, no,” Ellana responds honestly.

“It's… it's complicated.” Ellana pauses before elaborating further “It's… Cassandra.”

“Of course it is,” Dorian replies smugly, earning himself an eye roll in return. “What has she done now?”

“Nothing? Well not really? I don’t know” Ellana replies, adjusting herself in the saddle before continuing.

“You know I’m not much of a fan of the cold right? And that these past few nights have been colder than usual? And that as much as I try not to I always manage to find myself moving toward the only other warmth in the tent, even in my sleep?”

“Ah yes, do go on,” Dorian interrupts, his suggestive smirk causing his moustache to quirk, earning himself a playful smack on the arm in return.

“As I was saying,” Ellana says with a pointed look at her companion before continuing “the other morning I woke to find myself not just drawn to Cassandra’s warmth in my sleep, I’d somehow managed to make my way under her covers and was practically wrapped around her.”

“Has Cassandra said anything about it?” Dorian asks, a thoughtful look on his face.

“No. And I don’t think she will either.”

“That's interesting though isn’t it? I mean it's not like she wouldn’t have noticed you were there after all, and she’s not exactly the most _tactile_ woman I’ve ever met if it doesn’t involve hitting something.” Dorian ponders, scratching his jaw.

“So you think she did it on purpose?” Ellana asks thinking it too ludicrous to even suggest out loud.

“Yes,” Dorian states matter of factly, with no room for argument.

“But why? I’m pretty sure she's not even interested in me as anything other than a friend no matter how much I wish it was different,” Ellana sighs “I mean, I’m the Herald. It's her job to keep me alive.”

“Yes, because most bodyguards treat their charges the way she does, and lets them share their body heat on a regular basis without saying absolutely anything about it afterwards,” Dorian replies sarcastically.

Ellana can’t help by crinkle her nose, knowing that he does have a point, even if she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction that he might (eventually, hopefully) actually be _right_.

“I saw how devastated you were every time you looked at her in that alternative future you know,” Dorian says quietly after Ellana turns back around from checking on their companions behind them, who have ceased their conversation, Cassandra annoyed at something Bull has no doubt said judging by the scowl currently on her face and the grin on Bulls.

“None of it was easy to witness… or remember,” Ellana says with a sigh, not at all surprised that Dorian has managed to get her talking about the one thing she was currently avoiding even _thinking_ about at the moment.

“And none of it was your fault either,” Dorian says simply, cutting right to the heart of the matter better than Ellana ever could.

“It still feels like I failed them all though?” Ellana tries to explain with frustration, not even sure how to begin to articulate how she feels about the whole conflicted position she finds herself in.

“Like I know that it was only a day for us, but for them? It was a whole year. They put so much of their faith in me - _Cassandra_ has so much faith in me, even now - and everything went wrong for them the moment I disappeared,” Ellana says, remembering the haunted look on Cassandra’s Red Lyrium affected face, the toll the insidious substance had taken on her mind, and her body. But even then, it still didn’t affect her faith, in both the Maker and her, and Ellana almost envied Cassandra, for her ability to still believe in such things even after all the terrible things that had happened to her.

“You know, sometimes I look at her and I see the version we met in the future for the briefest of moments and I-”

“You love her don’t you,” Dorian asks, both of them knowing it isn’t really a question, not anymore.

“I’m starting to, yes,” Ellana admits quietly, knowing that there's no point in denying it, even if she's convinced it's a futile endeavour, to grow to love someone that you’re sure won’t ever love you the same way that you do them.

“So do you think that maybe you’re having such a hard time dealing with what you saw in the future because of how you feel about Cassandra now?”

At Dorian’s question, things instantly make sense for Ellana, that the guilt she feels is not just because she feels as if she’s failed Cassandra, albeit a version of her that is from a future that will hopefully never come to pass, but she’s failed her in spite of strongly she feels for her, and that if she can’t even save the ones she loves, the ones that push her, who support her and love her in return, what hope does she even have to save the rest of Thedas from the breach and the threat of this unknown “Elder One”? A thought that she also expresses to Dorian.

“Ah that in itself is the heroes dilemma though isn’t it?” Dorian replies pensively. “The only thing I can offer in return is my support as I help you figure that out for yourself, I suppose,” Dorian smiles wryly.

And for now, the knowledge of such support is enough for Ellana.

  
  



End file.
